មាតិកា
“Women have been educated to hide our strengths”
Teresa Baró
The specialist in personal communication in the professional field, Teresa Baró, publishes «Imparables», a communication guide for women «who tread hard»
Teresa Baró is an expert in how personal communication occurs and performs within the professional field. One of the objectives she pursues on a day-to-day basis is clear: to help professional women to be more visible, have more power and achieve their goals.
For this reason, he publishes “Imparables” (Paidós), a book in which he explores the differences between how men and women women use communication power at work, and it lays out bases for women to be able to express themselves and take precedence over what they want, to be able to occupy the same space that their peers occupy. «Women have our own style of communication that is not always well understood or accepted in
the business, political environment and, in general, in the public sphere ”, says the author to present the book. But, the objective is not to adapt to what already exists, but break stereotypes and establish a new communication model. “Women can lead with their own communication style and gain more influence, visibility and respect without needing to become masculine.” We spoke with the expert at ABC Bienestar about this communication, about the famous “glass ceiling”, about what we call “impostor syndrome” and how many times learned insecurities can slow down a professional career.
Why a guide only for women?
Throughout my professional experience, advising men and women in the professional field, I have seen that in general women have different difficulties, insecurities that mark us a lot and that we have a communication style that is sometimes not understood or accepted in business, even in politics. Second, we have received a different education, men and women, and that has conditioned us. Therefore it is time to become aware, and for each one to establish their communication guidelines as they think they have to. But at least you have to know these differences, know why and be able to analyze each one of us, especially women, to know how this style of communication that we have learned helps us or how it harms us.
Are there still more obstacles for women in the professional field? How do they affect communication?
The obstacles that women encounter in the workplace, especially the more masculine ones, are structural in nature: sometimes the profession itself is not designed by women or for women. There are still some prejudices about the capabilities of women; organizations are still led by men and prefer men… there are many factors that are obstacles. How does this condition us? Sometimes we end up resigning ourselves thinking that the situation is this, which is what we have to accept, but we do not think that by communicating in another way, perhaps we can achieve more. In highly masculinized environments, men sometimes prefer women who have a firmer, more direct, or clearer style, because normally this style has been considered more professional, or more leading or more competent, while they do not understand the style more empathetic, perhaps kinder, more relational, understanding, and emotional. They consider that this is not so suitable for certain businesses or certain things at work. What I propose in the book is that we learn different strategies, many techniques, to be able to adapt to the interlocutor, to the environment in which we are working, and thus achieve our objectives much more easily. It’s about finding the right record in every situation.
Is a woman who is determined, strong and somehow out of the pattern that society thinks for her is still “punished” in the professional sphere, or is that a bit old?
Fortunately, this is changing, and if we talk about a woman leader, it is understood that she has to be decisive, decisive, that she has to express herself clearly, that she be visible and not be afraid of that visibility. But, even today women themselves do not accept that a woman adopts these patterns; this is well studied. The person who separates himself from the bosses of his group, in this case we are talking about women, is not well regarded by the group, and is punished. Then the women themselves say of others that they are ambitious, that they are bossy, that they even have to do is work less and focus on their family, it looks bad that they are ambitious or that they earn a lot of money …
But does it also look bad for a woman to be more emotional or empathetic?
Yes, and it is what we find. Many men who are trained since childhood to hide their emotions or insecurities, do not see it as good or appropriate for a woman to express her weaknesses, insecurities or her positive or negative emotions. Why? Because they consider that the workplace is productive, or sometimes technical, and a place where emotions have no place. This is still punished, but we are also changed. Now it is also valued in men and male leaders who are more empathetic, who are more tender and sweet, we even see a man who cries at a press conference, who confesses those weaknesses … we are on the right track.
You speak in a part of emotional management and self-esteem, do you think that women are taught to be more insecure?
This is complex. We are growing with security in some aspects of our life. We are encouraged to be secure in a certain role: that of mother, wife, friend, but on the other hand, we are not educated so much in the safety of leading, of being visible in a company or earning more money. Money is something that seems to belong to the world of men. We are much more at the service of others, of the family … but also of everyone in general. The most feminized professions are usually those that involve being at the service of someone: education, health, etc. Therefore, what does happen to us is that we have been educated to hide our strengths, that is, a woman who feels very safe often has to hide it because, if not, it is scary, because, if not, it can cause conflicts for example with her siblings as a child, then with her partner and then with her co-workers. That is why we are used to concealing what we know, our knowledge, our opinions, our successes, even our achievements; many times we hide the successes we have had. On the other hand, men are used to showing security even if they don’t have it. Therefore it is not a question so much of whether we have security or not, but of what we show out.
Is imposter syndrome more common in women than in men?
Initial research on this topic was done by two women, and on women. Later it was seen that it not only affects women, that there are also men who have this type of insecurity but I, from the experience I have, when I am in my courses and we talk about this issue and we pass tests, women always tell me: «I fulfill them all, or almost all». I have lived it many times. The weight of education and the models that we have had have greatly influenced us.
How can you work to overcome it?
It’s easy to say, harder to do, like all these more emotional and self-esteem issues. But the first thing is to spend some time with us and review how our career has been so far, what studies we have, how we have prepared. Most of us have an incredible track record in our field. We must review what we have in our history, but not only this, also what others say in our professional environment. You have to listen to them: sometimes it seems that, when they praise us, we think it is because of commitment, and it is not. The men and women who praise us are really saying it. So the first thing is to believe these accolades. The second is to assess what we have done and the third, very important, is to accept new challenges, to say yes to the things that are proposed to us. When they propose something to us, it will be because they have seen that we are capable and believe in us. By accepting that this works, we are fueling our self-esteem.
How does the way we talk influence, but to do it with ourselves?
This topic is enough for three more books. The way of talking to us is basic, first for this self-esteem and what self-image we have of ourselves, and then to see what we project abroad. The phrases of the style are very frequent: “What an idiot I am”, “I’m sure they don’t choose me”, “There are people better than me” … all these phrases, which are negative and diminish us a lot, are the worst way to show security abroad. When we have to, for example, speak in public, participate in a meeting, propose ideas or projects, we say it with a small mouth, if we say so. Because we have spoken so negatively to ourselves, we no longer even give ourselves a chance.
And how can we make language our ally when talking to others at work?
If we take into account that the traditional male communication style is much more direct, clearer, more informative, more effective and productive, one option is for women to adopt this style in many situations. Instead of taking many detours in the sentences, speaking indirectly, using self-diminishing formulas, such as “I believe”, “well, I don’t know if you think the same thing”, “I would say that”, using the conditional … instead of To use all these formulas, I would say to be much more direct, clear and assertive. This would help us to have more visibility and be more respected.
How should women not be discouraged by the prospect of, no matter how well I do, at some point they will reach the top, to encounter the so-called “glass ceiling”?
It is complicated because it is true that there are many women who have the skills, the attitude, but in the end they end up giving up because it takes too much energy to overcome these obstacles. It seems to me that there is something that we have to take into account, which is evolution, that everyone, especially Western society, is suffering now. If we all strive to change this, with the help of men, we are going to change it, but we must help each other. It is important that women who enter managerial positions, positions of responsibility, help other women, this is key. And that each one of us does not have to fight alone.
He is a specialist in personal communication in the professional field. He has extensive experience in management communication consulting and training of professionals from all sectors. It collaborates with Spanish and Latin American companies and universities, and designs training programs for the most diverse and specialized groups.
From the beginning of her career she has accompanied professional women so that they are more visible, have more power and achieve their goals.
She is the founder and director of Verbalnoverbal, a consultancy specialized in developing communication skills at all levels of the company. She is a regular contributor to the media and is present on the main social networks. She is also the author of “The great guide to non-verbal language”, “Manual of successful personal communication”, “Illustrated guide to insults” and “Non-verbal intelligence”.