ធ្វើជាមនុស្សល្អគ្រប់គ្នាមែនទេ?

If you look at your surroundings, you will surely find a person who would be given the definition of «good». He is a non-confrontational, sympathetic person, always polite and friendly, ready to help and support at any moment. And you often want to be the same. Why?

From childhood, we have certain patterns of behavior that help us adapt to life in society. One of these models is «to be good.» It helps to get support and recognition without much effort. Children quickly learn: you will be good, you will receive a gift from your parents, and the teacher will be more favorable to you than to a bully. Over time, this model can become the basis of all our lives, business and personal relationships. What does this lead to and what problems await a “good” person?

1. You will sacrifice your own interests for the sake of others.

Politeness and the desire to avoid conflict can lead to the fact that at some point we begin to sacrifice our own interests for the sake of others. This is due to the fear of being rejected (by friends at school, colleagues). It is important for us to feel that everything is in order with us and that we are loved, because this is what gives a sense of security.

The desire to please everyone around us makes us keep our brand always and everywhere, be good in a taxi, shop, subway. We automatically want to do something to please the driver, and now we are already giving tips more than we should. And we do it completely unexpectedly for ourselves. Or we start entertaining the hairdresser with conversations, instead of just relaxing in a chair. Or we don’t make a remark to the manicurist who unevenly applied varnish — this is our favorite salon, why spoil a good impression of yourself?

As a result, our focus shifts from internal to external: instead of directing resources to work on ourselves, we spend all our efforts on external signs. It is more important for us what they think and say about us, and we do everything to ensure that we are appreciated and approved.

Even our own well-being is no longer of interest to us: we harm ourselves by doing something that we do not like, or we are silent when our interests are violated. We give up ourselves for the sake of others.

Sometimes this is precisely the reason for a sharp change in mood, when a conflict-free and polite person in a family becomes a real monster. Being good with strangers is quite easy, but at home we take off the mask and take it out on loved ones — we scream, swear, punish children. After all, the family already loves us and “will not go anywhere”, you can not stand on ceremony, relax and finally become yourself.

Everyone needs to unlearn such behavior — a big boss or a small clerk, a child or a parent. Because it is a question of the balance of our life, of what we ourselves give and receive. And if we don’t respond in kind to those close to us who give us so much, our life can give a roll: the family will fall apart, friends will turn away.

2. You will become addicted to someone else’s approval.

This pattern of behavior forms a painful dependence on someone else’s approval. From morning to night, we need to hear compliments, recognition of talent or beauty. Only in this way we feel confident, inspired, we can do something. It works like an energy dope. We begin to need it to bridge the inner void.

Such a scheme leads to a categorical perception of everything that happens to us. A vivid example is a person who reacts painfully to any remark, even to constructive criticism. In his model, any feedback is perceived only on two indicators: «I am good» or «I am bad.» As a result, we stop distinguishing where is black and where is white, where is truth and where is flattery. It is becoming more and more difficult for people to communicate with us — because in everyone who does not admire us, we see an «enemy», and if someone criticizes us, there is only one reason — he is simply jealous.

3. You will waste your energy

Your friends quarreled, and you want to stay on good terms with both? That doesn’t happen. In the words of the poet, «it is impossible to be with those, and with those, without betraying those and those.» If you strive to be good both there and there, or always take a neutral position, sooner or later this will lead to a feeling of devastation. And most likely both friends will feel betrayed, and you will lose both.

There is another problem: you try so hard to be useful to others, you do so much for them, that at a certain moment you begin to demand the same attitude towards yourself. There is an internal anxiety, resentment, you start blaming everyone. This addiction works just like any other addiction: it leads to destruction. The person loses himself.

The feeling of wasted efforts, time, energy does not leave you. After all, you have spent so much effort, but there are no dividends. And you are bankrupt, energetic and personal. You feel loneliness, irritation, it seems to you that no one understands you. And at some point you really cease to understand.

Of course, everyone wants to be surrounded by “good people”. But a truly good person is not the one who always follows the lead of others and agrees with other people’s opinions in everything. This is someone who knows how to be honest and frank, who is able to be themselves, who is ready to give, but at the same time defend their interests, beliefs and values, while maintaining their dignity.

Such a person is not afraid to show his dark side and easily accepts the shortcomings of others. He knows how to adequately perceive people, life, and does not require anything in return for his attention or help. This self-confidence gives him a sense of success at work and in personal relationships. After all, in fact, you do not need to do anything special to earn the love of parents, teachers or classmates. We are already worthy of love, because each of us is already a good person in himself.