មាតិកា
It seems to us that we love, but relationships bring more pain and disappointment than joy and confidence in a common future. Psychologist Jill Weber suggests honestly answering yourself six questions that will help you decide whether to keep the union.
I often meet people who are unsure whether they should continue their relationship with a partner. Recently, a friend shared: “Only when my beloved and I are together, I feel our connection. If he is not around, I don’t know if he needs our relationship and how exactly he spends his time. I try to talk to him about it, but it only angers him. He thinks I’m exaggerating and I need to be more confident.»
Another patient confesses: “We have been married for three years and I love my wife. But she does not allow me to be myself: to pursue my hobbies and spend time alone with friends. I constantly have to think about how my wife will react to this, whether it will upset her. This cramped position and distrust wears me out.” To anyone who is experiencing doubts that interfere with building a happy relationship, I suggest answering six questions.
1. How often do you experience negative emotions?
We try to ignore anxiety and doubt because it’s hard for us to admit that relationships don’t make us happy. Instead of blaming yourself, suppressing your feelings, and trying to look at the situation more positively, deal with what is happening honestly and responsibly.
Falling in love, we ignore intuition, which tells us: this is not our person.
The first and most important step is talking to a partner. Watch his reaction: how attentive he will be to your feelings, whether he will offer to change something in the relationship so that you are comfortable, or whether he will begin to reproach you. This will be an indicator if your union has a future.
2. Does your partner keep their word?
The basis of a healthy relationship is the belief that you can rely on the person who is next to you. If a partner promises to call, spend an evening with you or go somewhere for the weekend and often does not keep his word, this is an occasion to think: does he appreciate you? When he fails even in small things, it destroys trust, deprives you of the confidence that your loved one will support you in difficult times.
3. What does your intuition tell you?
Falling in love, we so passionately want to continue to experience this intoxicating feeling that we ignore our own intuition, which tells us: this is not our person. Sometimes people suppress these feelings for years and even get married, but in the end the relationship falls apart.
There is no relationship that begins with discomfort and then suddenly blossoms.
After parting, we understand that in the depths of our souls we foresaw this from the very beginning. The only way to avoid disappointment is to be honest with yourself. If something is bothering you, talk to your partner about it. In the vast majority of cases, the inner voice does not deceive.
4. Do you feel embarrassed for your partner?
If a loved one makes you feel uncomfortable, provokes conflicts in front of your friends and relatives, deliberately touches on topics that are painful for those present, demonstrates poor breeding, you will always experience this discomfort. Are you ready to avoid joint meetings and see your close circle only in private?
5. What does the experience of other relationships tell you?
We often hear that relationships take work. This is partly true — we should try to listen sensitively and treat our partner with care. However, this process is only important if it is two-way.
There is no relationship that begins with a feeling of discomfort and anxiety, and then suddenly, by magic, blossom and bring joy. The readiness to understand each other is the basis of happy unions, and it manifests itself (or does not manifest itself) immediately. Most likely, you will agree with this if you remember your previous relationships.
6. Are you ready to openly discuss sharp corners with your partner?
Are you unable to freely talk about what is bothering you because you are afraid of a negative reaction from your partner? Then you doom yourself to a feeling of loneliness, which can last for many years. Perhaps your insecurity extends not only to relationships with a partner, but also to other areas of life and needs work on yourself, which only you can do yourself. But even then, you must be able to openly, without fear of consequences, talk with your partner about what is important to you.
If your feelings do not meet with understanding and after a conversation a loved one continues to hurt, this is an occasion to think about whether this relationship is necessary.