10 ដំបូន្មានឪពុកថ្ងៃអាទិត្យដើម្បីបន្តទំនាក់ទំនងជាមួយកូនរបស់អ្នក។

1. អត់ធ្មត់។ Raising a child remotely is very difficult. But remember that you still have a great influence on him, no less than a mother. Fulfill your obligations, including financial support for your child, without resentment or resentment. Remain for him a calm, loving and devoted parent. And help your mother do the same.

2. Maintain contact with the child’s mother. The relationship that your child develops with his mother is not like the relationship you have with him. Perhaps those rules and procedures, the style of communication that is accepted in the family of your ex-wife or girlfriend, does not seem quite correct to you. But the child needs that relationship. Therefore, keep in touch with his mother, acknowledging that you are not responsible for their relationship. Of course, the child needs your protection in a situation of violence or rejection by the mother, but in all other cases, he must be set up for a peaceful and calm coexistence in these relations.

3. Provide yourself with healthy social and emotional support. You may be overwhelmed with anger, irritation, longing, restlessness and other complex feelings, this is normal. Communicate more with healthy, mature, wise people, solve your problems with a psychologist, but do not work them out in communication with a child.

4. Remember that your child lives in two houses. Each “shift change” between visiting father and mother, leaving one home and returning to another is a period of special psychological adjustment for the child, often a time of whims and bad mood. Respect his reluctance to tell you about life with his mother, about “that” family right now, let him decide when and what to share. Do not climb into his soul and do not underestimate the strength of his feelings.

5. Be the best father you can be. You cannot change the other parent’s parenting style, and you cannot correct their shortcomings. So focus on what you can control: your actions. Don’t judge or criticize your ex’s decisions because no one (including you) can be the perfect parent. Trust that a mother, like you, is doing her best. Show love and maximum attention when the child is with you and when he is away from you (in phone conversations and e-mails).

6. Do not scold or judge the mother of your child. Do not show a child a disdainful attitude towards his mother by word or gesture, even when you are angry with her and if she speaks badly of you. If something good cannot be said, it is better to wisely remain silent.

Negativity towards the mother humiliates the child and hurts him. As a result, he will think worse about himself, and about his mother, and about you too. Do not allow yourself to sort things out in front of your son (daughter), even if the other side provokes you to do so. Participation in adult conflicts is not a child’s business.

7. Collaborate. If the situation allows, communicate openly and cherish your relationship. A different point of view, a different angle, the opinion of another interested adult is never superfluous for a growing child. Your cooperation, discussion of worries and joys, achievements and problems of the child, of course, is good for him and your relationship with him.

8. Your child and his mother are different people. Do not redirect claims you have accumulated against your ex to your child. When he disobeys, misbehaves, does something wrong (normal behavior at an early age), do not look for a connection between his antics and the actions of his mother. Treat his failures as a valuable experience that will help him learn and develop further. Listen to him more than lecture. So you are more likely to see and accept him as he is, and not as you would like to see him, and not as you think he would be if you were the only one who raised him.

9. Manage his expectations wisely. The mother’s house has its own rules and regulations, and yours has its own. Be lenient with his not always calm reaction to these differences, but do not tire of reminding him of what you expect from a child in your home. You should not compensate for the difficulties of marital status with endless concessions. Do not rush to fulfill all the requirements and spoil the child just because he is a «child of divorce.» Remember that honest, lasting relationships are more important than what’s happening today.

10. Be a father, not a mother. You are strong and reliable, you are a role model, and you never get tired of telling your child that he is dear to you and has a special place in your heart. Your energy, proactive attitude and support will help him understand that he, too, can be courageous, loving, cheerful and successful and can also earn respect from others. Your faith in the child will help him grow into a worthy young man, of whom you and his mother will be proud.

About the Author: Joe Kelly is a journalist, writer, coach, and author of several books on parent-child relationships, including Fathers and Daughters.